It was about 9:30. I was sitting at the bar by myself. In walked these two girls. Both looked to be about 21 or 22.
They sat down alongside me.
And here's how it went (of course, I forget the exact words, but this is a faithful reconstruction):
Bartender: Hello, girls.
Girl 1: Hi.
Girl 2: Hi, N---.
Bartender: What'll you have tonight?
Girl 1: Can I have a bottle of Miller Lite?
Girl 2: Do you have any non-alcoholoic, fruity-type drinks?
Bartender, incredulously: What, did you stop drinking?
Girl 2: No, it's just that I totaled my car last weekend. I wasn't drinking or anything, but I was text-messaging [on her cellphone] and when I looked up, I saw that I was gonna rear-end this stopped car ...
Girl 2: ... and so I swerved to miss it and then I hit this tree and my car bounced off and then I slammed into another tree in the front yard of this house.
Bartender: You're kidding! You're lucky you didn't slam into the house! Were you hurt?
Girl 2: No, but my friend wasn't wearing his seat belt and his head bounced off my windshield and he got a concussion and bit a hole in his lower lip.
Bartender: Jaysus [it's an Irish pub] ...
Girl 2: And now I'm kinda scared, so that's why I want a fruit drink. You know, my airbags never went off. Do you think I should sue?
*****And now, my friends, you know precisely why it is that the more people I meet, the more I love my cats.